Journal

I was driving in my car a while back, windows down,
enjoying the breeze splashing on my face
when I heard a line something like this come through the stereo speakers,
“the choices that we make, make us who we are.”
And I started chuckling to myself, thinking,
“oh how the world has got it wrong. If only they knew the truth,”
But lo! When I looked down at the radio dial, I was faced with the
sad reality that I was in fact, listening to a local “Christian” station.
I didn’t really even know what to do.
Laugh? Cry? Get angry?

It was quite a conundrum.

And what made matters worse, is that when I started asking people
if they’d heard the song, and what they thought of it,
they would respond, “Oh yes!” Isn’t that beautiful?
And of course, my answer was far from harmonious.
“NO! No it is not beautiful!  It is completely undermining redemption!
It’s a direct assault on the gospel! No! No! No!”

And so I kept digging. I kept asking. I kept inquiring.

Come to find out, that song is not the beginning or the end of this ideology.
There is a myriad of songs, books, movies, sermons, and devotionals
all bearing the name “Christian” that are teaching this misleading ideal.
I just couldn’t believe it.
I mean, I know the church has her problems.
After all, she’s filled with sinners,
and so I’m never really that surprised by her infidelity,
but I couldn’t comprehend how so many people could be teaching this doctrine
from prominent places of power.
“Who I am is the sum of my choices?”
Are you kidding me??!! Come on people!!!
You can’t really believe that can you?
Your choices make you who you are? Really?
So you chose your hair color?
You chose your parents?
Your taste buds?
Your birthplace?
Natural talents?
I.Q?

I can’t think of a more arrogant statement than,
“I am the sum of my choices.”
Cause you know, the only people that are gonna say that are successful people.
You’re never gonna find somebody at a recovery program teaching this.
People who have seen the depths of their depravity know better.
And they know better than to forsake the grace of God.
But the rich and successful? Oh they can forget.
Because hey, if I’ve made great choices than that only helps my pride out,
and helps me look down on all the sinners that can’t get their act together like I did.
Pick yourself up. Do better for God!
Funny, because the message of the gospel is that God was better for you.
Funnier still, because you can’t even live for God until you learn how to live because of God.
If you think you can do anything without him you end up sounding quite self-righteous.
Like a pharisee.
Like the people that got Jesus fired up.

Now here’s the deal.
I get what people are trying to say.
I understand the intent.
They’re trying to help people understand that there are consequences to their choices.
And I’m not disagreeing with that.
Of course our choices have ramifications.
If I shoot somebody, I’m going to jail.
If I drink too much alcohol, I’ll get drunk.
If I believe the wrong doctrines, I turn into a pompous jerk.
Yes. Choices have repercussions, and they have a lot to do with where you end up.

But here’s the gospel: Where you end up is not who you are.

What you do is not who you are. If you are in Christ,
who you are is what has been done for you.
How else do you think God can call screw ups like us a “new creation?”
It’s because his choices for us make us who we are.
I am a child of God, and it’s not because I was good enough to be one,
it’s because He was good enough for me to be one.

Any Batman fans out there?
Do you remember the scene in Batman Begins when Batman is standing
by a window and Katie Holmes is looking at him and she asks him,
“Who are you?”
Do you remember what he says?
With that icy blue stare he looks at her, and in that absurd gravely voice he bellows,
“It’s not who I am, it’s what I do that defines me!”
So sad…and so wrong.
No Batman. 
To quote Jars of Clay’s Dan Haseltine,
“not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what to do.”
You’re not.
You are what has been done for you.
At least, if you are in Christ you are.
And what’s truly beautiful about this is that it levels the playing field.
The successful and the pure are humbled out of their pride, because they realize
that it is Christ who has made them right before God, not their choices.
And it strengthens the failures and the weak, because no matter how many bad choices
they’ve made, no matter how many times they go back to their vices, they can believe the gospel
and get back up. The promiscuous girl can say, “my identity is not where I’ve been.”
The addict can put down his needle and say, “druggie is not my name. 
I am a child of God who happens to relapse.”
In other words, we learn to live out of a new reality…out of our new name.
I don’t need to become holy. I need to act like who I am.
I need to be in practice who I already am in position.
I am a child of God in spite of myself.
I’m not struggling to be free, I am free to struggle.
Or to quote John Paul II,
“We are not made from the sum of our weakness…
we are the sum of the Father’s love for us.”

And so, having said all that,
I want to share the chorus and bridge of the song that I wrote in response.
It’s called “You are More,”
and I hope you like it.
But more than that, I pray you believe it.

“you are more than the choices that you’ve made
you are more than the sum of your past mistakes
you are more than the problems you create
you’ve been remade

cause this is not about what you’ve done
but what’s been done for you
this is not about where you’ve been
but where your brokenness brings you to
this is not about what you feel
but what He felt to forgive you
and what He felt to make you new.”

2 Corinthians 5:17-21
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation.
The old has passed away; behold, the new has come…
...For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin,
so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

“it would be easier if you were just a thought in my head
simply something that I once read
a belief needing my defense
and it would be easier if you were something I once knew
a hope just to hold on to
but you’re holding out your hands

chorus:
cause you came to take us back to the start
you came to touch the hardness of our hearts
you gave us truth that truth is who you are
it’s who you are

and it’s not enough to just say, ‘I believe.’
Cause truth is that talk is cheap
so grace give me eyes to see

flesh and blood you offer us
oh to eat the bread and drink the cup
oh to taste to see to feel to touch
Emmanuel God with us
Emmanuel God with us”

Maybe this song won’t be a revolutionary thought for you, but it has been for me. Probably for the last two years or so, this is the thing I have felt that God has been teaching me. Or should I say, the thing that He has been beating me over the head with. Truth is a person.

“I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but by me.”
-Jesus

How did I miss that for so long? I don’t know. Maybe it was growing up in the church, maybe it was Christian school, maybe it was the fact that I have an enemy in myself and in the devil, but man! Why has it taken so long to sink in?

I remember going through this phase when I first entered college, when all that mattered were answers. I had to have the answer for everything. No matter what the question was, no matter what someone was going through, I had to have something to say. Some verse to reference, some bit of advice to give. And I really thought that I was pretty awesome. I mean, I was enlightening minds and helping people, I was really exceptional. Or so I thought.

Little did I know at the time, but most times when I was wheeling out advice and giving out answers, I was actually coming across as a royal jerk. People would come to me with some heavy news: a broken relationship, news of a death in their family, something like that. And what would I do? I’d just write up a little prescription for them by way of the Bible. “Don’t worry brother! God works all things together for good!

Not that the promises of God aren’t true all the time, they are. But the thing is, just because we have promises, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s answers. At least, not the way we’re looking for. And that’s why God tells me to feel it before I try to fix it. “Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice.” That’s what I’m called to do. Before I try to know everything and have a solution for everything and everyone, first I need to learn to sit down and weep with people. Before I try to put a band aid on their wounds, I need to actually feel the wound myself. I mean, isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He felt before He fixed. He hurt before He healed. He became flesh and dwelt among us.

And so, this changes things. This means that it doesn’t matter how much Scripture and philosophy I know, what matters is what I do with it. Ironically, having a lot of information about Jesus can often be the very thing that keeps us from Him. We delude ourselves into thinking that Jesus is nothing more than a fact on a page. An idea to comprehend, a moral to ascribe to. And believe me, He’s much more than that. He is our life, our breath, and the pulse within our veins. He is before, behind, and all around. Over. Underneath. Inside. In between.

And I want to know Him this way. As bread and wine. As flesh and blood. As a lover, a wife, as the life within. I’m tired of my knowledge turning to arrogance. I’m tired of information turning to superiority. I want to encounter Him, and have that encounter change the way I see the world. Don’t you?

So for now, I’ll leave us with Jesus’ own words in the book of John. May it sober our pursuits, and remind us that the one we are following is not some philosophical ideal to adhere to, He is a person to fall in love with.

For those of you who didn’t get a copy of the music journal that was offered with The Light Meets The Dark pre-order, we thought we’d share some of Mike’s song journals that were in that book. Enjoy!

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed…” James 5.16

What?
God can’t be serious can He?
Doesn’t He already forgive me?
Doesn’t He already know every thought before I think it?
Can’t He just heal me Himself?
Seriously God, what’s the point?
Do we really need to drag other people into this?

Well…yes.

I don’t know when you’ll be reading this little journal entry of mine, but as I’m writing it, it’s just a few days after the new year. And I, along with many others have already begun my list of new year’s resolutions. Because it’s a new year, and that’s what you do, right? And in case you’re wondering, this year I’m going to do a work out called p90x. I’m going to learn French, and I’m going to commit much more time to reading, writing, and listening.
I want to know God, and enjoy Him more than ever. These are my resolutions.

Now, today I was driving home and I got to catch some other people’s pledges for the new year. A few resolutions were being played on the local radio station, and I couldn’t help but take note. Dieting, exercising, reading, one kid said he was going to watch more Nascar…. It was a terribly enlightening time I assure you. But you know, in all the resolutions I heard, not one person among them said, “I’m committing to confession. This year, I want to confess more of my sin than ever.” Yeah, crazy huh? Not one person.

Now, of course I’m joking, but I think there’s something to it. I mean, why is it that in all our promises, it’s all about doing better? Why do we base all our commitments on getting stronger, smarter, and more athletic? Why don’t we ever hear someone resolve to display more of their weaknesses?

Well, I’m sure there’s a lot of factors like ego and self and sin that go into it, but I can’t help but wonder if primarily, it’s because we have forgotten, or have never believed in the first place, the gospel. And by that I mean, the beautiful news that we are all more hopeless and wretched than we ever thought possible, and in the exact same moment, we are more loved than we ever dared to dream. You see, God calls us to confess, because unlike us, He isn’t expecting us to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps. He isn’t asking us to try harder, do better, or make stronger commitments. No. Instead, in James 5 He asks us to commit to admitting the opposite. He’s asking us to admit that we aren’t strong enough, good enough, or pure enough. He asks us to lay down our self-saving, pride-enhancing promises and pick up his robe of salvation. He asks us to be honest about how truly awful we are, so that we might actually despair of ourselves altogether. And yeah, I know that doesn’t sound like a glimmering, hope-filled, this year will be better than the last, kind of message. In fact, it probably sounds down right depressing, but believe me, that’s the only place where healing really can start. When we finally own up to what’s really going on in our hearts and minds, only then can we begin to come to terms with how impossible it is to save ourselves. And that’s when resolution ends and salvation begins.

You see, most of us adhere to the theological truth that we are depraved, but certainly not enough to admit it to other people. And what’s startling is that we have to confess to others to really believe the gospel….because then we have to. As long as people think we’re better than we are, then there’s really no need to cling to Jesus.  Who needs a Saviour when we can cling to our reputation, our friendly demeanor, or our disposition, etc, etc, etc. It’s funny, because as long as we don’t have to confess, we can usually fool people into thinking that we’re much better than we actually are. In fact, I think we fool ourselves a lot of the time. And it’s mostly because we think things and do things that never get brought out into the light, so we just sort of push them out of our mind, forget about them, and try to do better next time. And what’s sad is as the church forgets how messed up she really is, then slowly but surely she also begins to forget the good news altogether. We forget we are sinners saved by grace, and pretty soon, we forget about grace altogether. And it’s not long before we replace the good news of God’s mercy with the burden laying news of trying harder and being better.

We begin to look down on people who aren’t as good at being a Christian, and we actually begin to think that we don’t really need a Saviour. Or maybe I should say, we become our own Saviour. And what’s funny is that we think we have the world fooled. We think we’re actually convincing people that we’re changing and aspiring, and accomplishing all sorts of fantastic spiritual feats. Problem is, we can’t change our hearts, and everyone can see it. We may pay lip service to Jesus, and His saving work, but the way we fly off the handle when criticized, the way we can’t say we’re sorry, and the way we keep things locked away and hidden from others gives us away.

And this is probably why James tells us to be honest about our failures to people. Because healing doesn’t begin when we start fighting our vices and become better people, true healing starts when we become better people for the right reasons. And by that I mean grateful responsive love. Now, the more we’re aware of our hang ups and failures, the more we see our need for a Saviour. And the more we see our need for Him, the more we love Him. And the more we love and treasure Him, the more we want to live for Him. And then, not necessarily for Him at all, but because of Him, and because of His great love for us.

I mean, think about it.  What is God thinking loving people like us? What is He doing wasting grace on a bunch of screw ups? Well, He’s showing us that there’s another way to create a new heart in someone other than human guilt and greater effort. He does it without pride, without fear, and without self-willed resolutions. Instead, he employs the humble grateful reaction of a sinner who’s been forgiven, and who is so in awe of that forgiveness, that they want to live in response to it.

That’s the goal. That’s what we’re aiming for. And if you have sin in your life, if you have secrets you don’t think anyone should ever know, trust yourself to the God who became sin for you, so that you might become the righteousness of God. I John says, that if we say we’re without sin, we make God a liar. So believe Him when He says He died for you while you were still a sinner, and believe that you’re so messed up He had to die for you, but at the same time, you were so loved, that He was glad to die for you. And if that’s true, then it no longer matters what you did, and in fact, the more sinful you are, the greater your Saviour is. Don’t try to cover it up and rob Him of all that glory. I know it’s scary. I know it’s terrifying, and I know that sometimes, people won’t be able to show you the grace that God can, but just do it.  Even if it’s inconvenient, unsettling, or downright horrific. Unveil your sin, and let God be seen as the great and glorious redeemer that He is.

“So let them fall down
there’s freedom waiting in the sound
when you let your walls fall to the ground
we’re here now.”

A friend of mine was just broken up with by his girlfriend of two years.
He wrote me pretty upset, and wanting to give up.
Here’s what I wrote him:

Bro.
Don’t give up.
I can definitely understand the hurt man.
I’ve been there.
And I do know this, remember that though hurt is used by God,
it is still in its essence, unnatural.
It is a result of the fall, of the fracture that happened
in our union with God when we wanted to take control.
Be encouraged friend,
this is not how it’s always going to be.
And I know that losing this girl feels like you’ve lost
all of yourself, but here’s the good news,
and maybe bad news depending on how you look at it,
but I’ve been married for almost 2 years now, and I’ve
been surprised to find that my wife can’t make me happy. 
I mean, she’s awesome, don’t get me wrong,
but the problem is that I’m just made for more than
even she can give me.
And so, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact, that
since God loves me, he won’t let me be completely happy
with anything other than Himself.
Yes, It’s painful, but it’s good.
I can promise you that.
If you think of it, I’d really suggest a book to you
called, “A Severe Mercy”
Basically, this dude loses his wife to cancer I think,
and he realizes that it was the severe mercy of God
that allowed it to happen, because basically,
she was his God. He didn’t know it at the time,
but the most merciful thing God could do was to take
her from him, because only God can last beyond this life.
Only God Himself can satisfy.
And yes, we have to walk through the midnight hour of
the soul to get there sometimes, but what you’ll find
on the other side is so much better. it’s so much more free. 
Could you imagine, if God Himself was all we needed to be content?
What could mortal man do to us?
What could anyone take away?
They couldn’t.
They can’t.
Hang it there bro,
we’re just strangers here while we walk this earth,
and there’s light on the other side of this.