Tenth Avenue North : Journals mike

Chapter 10 You Are

September 12, 2009

So we played a show at a church tonight,
and it was beautiful. God was adored, the gospel was treasured,
compassion kids were sponsored. Like I said, beautiful.
And it’s night like these that get me sort of weepy.
I start asking God under my breath, “Why do I get to do this?
You and I both know I don’t deserve it. You know I’ve got nothing
to offer you that you didn’t first give to me, so what on earth Lord?
Me? You sure about this?”

But it’s true. Right now we’re on the Inside and In Between Tour,
and I’ve been totally amazed. Amazed at how God has kept me close
to my wife over the phone, how He’s spoken through us and in spite of us,
how people have come to a better understanding of the gospel, and how
God has moved in hearts to initiate people to partner with Compassion
in releasing children from poverty in Jesus’ name. It’s unbelievable.

And on a night like tonight this chorus seems easy.
“I give you all of me, for all you are,
here I am, take me apart. Take me apart.”
But it’s only easy, because the most glorious thing happened tonight.
I forgot about myself.
I know, totally crazy.
But I did. I think it might have just been for a few minutes or seconds or so,
but it really did happen. For one brief shining moment, God took up my
thoughts and affections and freed me from the prison of myself.

And that’s kind of what makes this prayer work.
So many of us try so hard to get better, do more, change the world,
and all we ever seem to do is fall flat on our back.
And its sad because I feel like no one ever told us that we’ll
never make it that way. It’s just not possible.
The only true path to freedom is adoration.
The forgetting of oneself in the awe of another is the only place we
can be changed, for to change into something that we are not,
we must see what it is to what we must aspire.
Or in other words,
“the worth and excellency of a soul is measured by the objects of its love.”
-Henry Scougal
Or in other words,
“We are forms of all the things we love.”
-Jars of Clay
Or in other words,
“but we with unveiled faces, beholding God’s glory, are being transformed
from one degree of glory to another.”
-2 Corinthians 3:18
Or in other words,
we become whatever we love.
Love mean and sordid things and so you will be.
Love God, and the most wondrous thing will happen, Scougal explains,
the life of God will show up in the soul of man.

And so that’s all this song is saying.
Don’t try to be better for God.
Don’t try to figure out all the things you need to change,
just fix your eyes on Jesus.
He is your life. He is the one who saves.
He is at the center of all things,
and He holds all things together.
And as you love Him,
as you fawn over all that He is,
He’ll begin to change all that you are.
Or as my pastor says,
“for every time you look at yourself, take ten looks at Jesus.”
Don’t look at what your hands have done,
look at what his have done for you.
And as you fix your eyes on Jesus tonight,
and on all that He is, I pray that you slowly but surely,
forget about all that you are.

May the infinity of who He is , so fill your finite heart and mind
that you find yourself being crammed out entirely.

Tags: God tour

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Chapter 9 Beloved

June 19, 2009

The disciples must have thought Jesus was crazy.
Seriously. I can only imagine their faces.
So confused, so perplexed, uncomfortably glancing back and forth between each other,
wondering if they had misheard, wondering if someone could help them understand.
Meanwhile, you got Jesus, unnerved, unfazed, just sitting there cooly,
looking them dead in the eyes, asking them to marry Him.
Yes, you heard me right…marry Him.
With nothing more than a cup of wine, no less,
the Lamb of God was proposing. So you can imagine their confusion right?
“Wait. What? Come again? Jesus, you feeling alright brotha?
I mean, I don’t think that I’m exactly what you’re looking for!
You want to think about what you’re saying for a minute?”

Of course, we don’t see it that way, because we’re not Jewish.
But they were, and they did. See it that way, I mean.
“Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant,
which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”
We hear these words and we think Communion, Eucharist, Last Supper.
The disciples heard this and they’re thinking wedding bells.

Apparently,

“In those days,” when a Hebrew man decided to take for Himself a Hebrew woman,
he’d go to his father and say, “Her, Dad. I want to make little rabbis with her.”
So then the dad would go to her dad and they’d talk camels, or sheep,
or whatever the payment was going to be, and after they’d settled on a figure,
the groom would call in all his friends and family, set a table in the middle of a room,
set the aforementioned girl down in front of said table,
break out a cup, fill it with wine, and set it in front of her saying,
“This is my covenant with you, take and drink it.”
And if she did, that was her answer. With a simple gulp and swig,
she was saying, “I do,” and that was it. No rings, no fancy songs or dinners,
just a cup and an invitation.
And oh yeah, all their relatives sitting in the room watching.
I mean, talk about pressure. But yeah, that was it.
Her lips to the glass was the same as saying,
“I accept your life, and I give you mine in return.”

Now, If the girl said yes, “in those days,” she would then go immediately back to her home,
where she would be known as, “one who was bought with a price.”
It’s true. That was her name. Kind of long and tedious, and extremely hard to shout out in
a game of soccer, but that was it. And with her new identity, she would go back to her town,
and start preparing for the wedding. And really, she’d just start waiting
for future husband to finish what he had to do and come and get her.
What was he doing? Well, during the engagement, the groom’s primary responsibility was
to build a mansion for him and his bride to be.

Now girls, before you get too excited, let me explain. “Mansion” in Hebrew means, “apartment.”
And what’s even better is that this apartment was actually more like an addition,
because the groom would build it onto his parents pre-existing house.
Yes. You heard me correctly. Their first home would be with the in-laws.
And right now, I can just imagine how many girls are thinking,
“oh please don’t let me marry a Jewish boy.”
It’s true though. He would build his “mansion” onto the family “insula,”
which is what they would call the family dwelling.
You see, the entire family would just keep building on and building on
until you had what was basically a city block, all comprised of one big bustling Jewish family.
(And you thought My Big Fat Greek Wedding was bad) Crazy, but also true.

Well, as you can imagine, this process could take quite a while.
I mean, it’s a house for crying out loud.
Some scholars say it was six months, or even a year before the poor guy was finished.
And get this, the only one who could decide if it was finished was the father.
So he’d be working and working and working, and every day looking to his dad,
saying, “Are we done yet?” And I can just imagine the father messing with him.
Taking his time, looking it over, and then just saying, “Almost.”
Could you imagine? Oh, the agony!
And to top it all off, the groom and the bride weren’t even allowed to talk to each other.
Nothing. Nada. Zip.
They couldn’t see or speak to one another during the entire engagement, except for one outlet.
The best man. He’d be the instant messenger if you will. Taking notes back and forth between
the doting couple. And those moments were probably pretty funny.
“Here’s your note, ‘one who was bought with a price.’ Check yes, no, or maybe.”
Unbelievable.

But you know, how much more beautiful would that day be when the father finally approved?
That day when the groom was finally finished, and he could gather up his homeboys,
or ‘groomsmen’ as we westerners would say, and imperiously march into his fiance’s town?
Oh it was sweet.
And that’s just what he’d do. He’d get his bridal party together and they’d come to her house,
and without any prior announcement or advanced warning, they would blow a shofar,
which was a ram’s horn that served as a trumpet,
and upon hearing it, the pining bride would come bustling out her front door and practically
straight down the aisle, and into her beloved’s arms.
The period of waiting and wanting would be over,
and the two would be united at last to consummate their long-awaited union.
Joy. Happiness. Little Rabbis… You know, all the good stuff.

So then,
Back to the dinner table with the 12. Can you sense where this is going?
Jesus breaks into this marriage proposal,
cup out, wine-filled, offering his covenant with them. They accept.
“I do” to Jesus. Gulp, gulp. “I accept your life, and I give you mine in return.”
So then, what does Jesus do? He explains how they have to spend some time apart.
Naturally. Only this is going to be longer than a year. However, the best man was coming.
His name? The Holy Spirit. So when Jesus leaves,
off to get busy preparing a “mansion” for them, (“in my Father’s house there are many rooms”)
He doesn’t leave them alone, but instead sends His own mediator, the Holy Spirit,
to keep the messages going between Himself and his Beloved.
Meanwhile, the bride is left behind in her town, keeping watch, day and night,
not knowing the day, time or hour that the bridegroom will appear.
Until finally, after a long-awaited return, and we’re talking seriously,
long awaited; centuries and milleniums waited people,
after this much awaited consummation,
the Father alone will announce that the time has come,
and Jesus will be coming back for all His faithful, all who are His bride.
With a posse of angels and loud trumpet call of their own, He will take us home,
to the marriage supper of the Lamb!
And we will share in ever-increasing joy and intimacy with Him forever and ever.
As C.S. Lewis so brilliantly articulated, “Further up and further in!”

And people still want to insist that Christianity is no more than a religion.

I don’t know about you but in light of this information, it puts Jesus in an entirely different light.
He’s no longer an ideal, or a belief system. He’s a person.
And to put it more precisely, He is a groom in love with his bride.
And not just any bride, but a wayward, adulterous bride.
A bride who is half-hearted at best, chasing other lovers and other interests more than Him.
And still, He keeps on loving. He keeps on being faithful,
He keeps his promises.

In the Old Testament,
He tells his prophet Hosea to marry an unfaithful woman,
to show everyone the way He loves his people. (see Hosea 3)
In the New, He tells us that divorce will never be an option for Him. (Phil 1:6)
Over and over and over again, From Isaiah, to Ezekiel, to Ephesians,
He tells us that we are not just his children, but we are his bride.
Faithless though we might be, we are His, and He is ours.

And like I said before, this changes everything.
It changes the way I view prayer.
It changes the way I view marriage.
It even changes the reasons that I obey.
As Donald Miller once said,
“it’s a far different thing to break a rule, than it is to cheat on a lover.”
I only pray that it changes things for you.

Tags: Jesus love

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Chapter 8 Times

May 09, 2009

Two things the Lord has told us;
that He is strong, and He is loving.

And I am living proof.

It’s Saturday afternoon and I’ve just sat down at a local coffee shop with my wife.
Well, it’s actually a coffee shop/restaurant called Fido, and since she
used to work here, it’s a natural choice for spending a soggy Saturday in Nashville.
At the moment, she’s enjoying a BLT and I’m about to destroy
an exquisite succulent pumpkin chocolate chip pastry, known as the PC muffin,
because we’re at Fido, and that’s what you do when you’re at Fido.
And don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. It’s…amazing.

But before I rip into said muffin, I wanted to sit down and actually breathe for
just a few minutes. That’s it. Just breathe. In, out, in, out.
Funny how that’s something I have to take time to do lately.
As if reflection and prayer were not things that come naturally, but things
that must be sought after. Like working to rest, or fighting to take thoughts captive.
Hmmm. I think there’s something to that.

In any case, today, as I sit and listen to my breathing, I’m in awe of two simple things.
God is strong, and God is merciful.
I know I know. Simple stuff. Kindergarten felt board Sunday school kind of stuff,
but for me, it’s just now becoming a reality.
You see, my wife is pregnant. We’re going to have a baby girl,
and I have never been more profoundly aware of the fact that
I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
I really don’t. I mean, I’m sure I put a good front, and seem very composed at times,
but deep down, I really am absolutely clueless. To quote Foreman,
I’m an “amateur lover, with amateur friends. We don’t know what we’re doing,
let’s do it again.”
I have no idea how to communicate with females in general,
let alone raise one of my own.
And on top of that, I’m in this band, and we’re on the road all the time, and I honestly
don’t know how to balance a marriage and a baby and a band and buy a house and do
my taxes and give to the poor….etc, etc.

But what I do know is that God is strong, and that He is loving. (Psalm 62:11-12)
And that simple quiet assurance might just be all I ever need,
especially if I take my own life into consideration.
You see, I know me. I know the desires, and the thoughts,
and the passions that no one else sees.
I see the pride that never dies and I can feel the dark blood that pulses in my veins.
If you only knew what really goes on in my head, you probably wouldn’t even
want to be my friend, let alone hear what I have to say.
And so, it is an absolute mystery that God would be good to me.
That He would carry me through my own confusion,
deceitfulness and sin and bring me to a place where I’m married,
healthy, and pregnant is quite possibly more than I can handle,
and absolutely, more than I can understand.

But these two words help me.

Powerful.
Loving.

God is not loving toward me, because I have deserved it.
He is loving to me, because Christ deserved it for me.
He isn’t good to any of us, because we’re really good at
saying our prayers and really good at loving other people.
He isn’t faithful to us, because we’re faithful to Him.
He loves us, because that’s who He is.
He is faithful to us, because He cannot deny Himself.
That’s who He is.
That’s what He’s about.
And it’s that knowledge that begins to change us.
It’s changing me.
It’s only that knowledge that will allow us to love Him back
in the way that He desires.
“We love because He first loved us.”
As my pastor likes to say,
“Don’t show me a church that loves God and loves people,
show me a church that believes they’re loved,
and I’ll show you a church that God is using.”

And really, that’s the whole message of this song.
The message is that you’ll never be changed by the love of God
until you’re completely honest
with yourself and how undeserving you are of it.
Only when we try to love God will we see our utter inability to do so.
And only when we understand that inability,
will we begin to be in awe of his great love toward us.
In other words, to be a Christian is to live a life of response.

You see, it’s just not that big a deal, if God only loved the people that loved Him.
It’d be nothing supernatural at all for God to merely be good
to those who are good to Him.
Isn’t that what Jesus said?
“you love those who love you, but what profit is that to you?
Even the pagans do that!”
And so this is the mystery.
“God proves His love in this, that while we were still sinners, He died for us.”
And so, that should assure you greatly from your fears today.
Even though you’re a sinner, Christ loves you.
And if you’re really proud of how good you are, this should humble you.
You’re so bad Christ had to die for you.
His love is over and underneath.
Higher than the heights of our purity,
and lower than the depths of our depravity.
And not one of us are without our need of Him.

And so, with this in mind, sitting at this coffee shop today,
I’ll agree with Paul in Philippians 1:6,
“And I’m sure of this, that He who began a good work in you
will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
Powerful.
Loving.
Over.
Underneath.
Inside.
In Between.

Tags: Jesus life love

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Chapter 7 Hold My Heart

April 08, 2009

“and taking him aside from the crowd, privately…”
-Mark 7:33a

I wonder why it took me so long to get this.

I mean, I grew up in Christian school, I went to church every Sunday,
I stayed away from smoking and drinking,
and yet, for the first twenty some odd years of my life,
I managed to miss the point entirely.

Him.

Rules.
Regulations.
Obedience.
I got those down just fine,
but somehow I missed the “why” behind it all.

Him.

I’m not quite sure why I was so blind for so long,
and I’m not really sure why its still so hard for me to remember,
but I do when the sunlight started to shine through.
It was five or six years ago, at a Student Venture high school camp
when I heard a guy from California speak. Chuck Bomar was his name,
or, still is, I guess I should say. In fact, I just had coffee with him last week.
Strange.

Well, Chuck started telling this story from Mark 7
that I had somehow never heard in all my Christian upbringing.
But you know, I can’t say that I was too surprised, because after a quick
read, there really doesn’t seem to be much there.
Just another story about a deaf man who receives his hearing.
A mute man begins to speak. Nothing that out of the ordinary for Jesus.
And like I said, I’d heard enough “Jesus stories,” in my time to be thoroughly
unimpressed by a miracle as nominal as this one.

But as Chuck spoke, he pointed out eight little words
that suddenly spun my world on its head.
Just eight little words and the heart of the gospel was revealed.

“and taking him aside from the crowd, privately.”

I know, I know.
So what?
So He took him aside, what’s the big deal?

That’s what I thought anyway, until I got the bigger picture.
You see, to be impressed by that statement,
you need to envision what was going on historically.
You got Jesus coming into town, into the midst of an increasingly excitable crowd.
He’d been doing a lot of miracles at this point, so it’d probably be an understatement
to say that people were getting excited.
Having Jesus come to your town back then, was like going to Cirque de Soleil for us.
Only on a whole nother level.
Feeding 5,000, Walking on water, lepers cleansed; when Jesus showed up,
people were ready for a show. And so, here He comes, posse of disciples at his side,
and this whole town of people start going crazy at his arrival.
And its right at this moment that a couple random guys get it in their heads
that they should bring their deaf and mute friend to Jesus for some healing.
Not an unusual request at this point I’m sure,
what with his history of the amazing and spectacular,
I’m sure people asking for a miracle was fairly commonplace at this point.
But this is when everything gets stranger than ever,
because Jesus does something altogether
different in response to their request. With the whole throng of followers pressing
in, one would expect Jesus to either blast them for their lack of faith,
or just zap the guy with a simple statement of healing.
I’m sure He had “bigger fish to fry,” as it were.

But He doesn’t.
Instead, He does the utterly incredible and wonderfully unusual.
And I’m not talking about the healing, although that is indeed supernatural.
What is truly remarkable about this story is how Jesus goes about the healing.

“and taking him aside from the crowd, privately…”

Jesus could have simply looked at the guy.
He could have wiggled his nose or raised his eyebrows,
shoot, He could have just thought it, and the man would have been healed.
But this isn’t what happens.
This isn’t what Jesus does.
If you read the story, what you see is Jesus taking this man aside from the crowd.
The crippled outcast, who,
by that culture’s estimation was nothing more than a burden to society,
is brought into a personal, intimate encounter with God himself.

Seriously, try to picture this.
This guy has absolutely nothing to offer Jesus.
He’s deaf, so He can’t listen to Jesus’ teaching,
and since he’s mute, he certainly can’t
tell Jesus how great He is either.
So, in his mind, he’s got nothing to warrant Christ’s affection.
He’s got nothing to bring, nothing to give,
nothing but poverty to hold up before the King.
And what does Jesus do?
He takes him aside!
He puts his hands on his face, and touches the man’s tongue with his own spit!
Talk about intimate!
I mean, I’m married, and I love my wife dearly,
but I don’t know that I’d even be comfortable doing this with her!
“Come on baby, have some saliva!”
What in the world!?
But Jesus is making a point here.
That’s the only logical conclusion. Otherwise, it’s just plain gross.
Think about it. He could have just pronounced healing, but He didn’t.
He could have ignored the man altogether, but He doesn’t.
No. He draws the man in, touches his face, touches his tongue,
and with a sigh from his chest, He whispers words of healing up to heaven,
“Ephphatha,” which means, “be opened.”
And Mark 7 says that the man began to hear and talk plainly.

And the only question I have left to ask is,
“Have I encountered Christ this way?”
I know for a fact, that for the first twenty years of my life,
I didn’t even know it was an option.
I just thought being a Christian was, “do your duty, be a good kid, say your prayers,
memorize the stories, pay attention to the felt board….”,and that’s it.
I had no idea that I could actually interact with Christ Himself!
I had no idea that God wasn’t looking for my accomplishments,
but was actually asking me to bring my poverty to Him.
I had no idea that I am the deaf and mute man with nothing to bring but my need!

So now, I’m not asking if I’ve been good enough for God lately,
I’m asking, “do I believe that He’s been good enough for me?”
I’m not asking, “How is my relationship with Christ doing?”
I’m just asking, “Do I have one at all?”
Have I met with Christ today?
Have I let him hold my face in his hands, and stare into my eyes?
Have I let him get so uncomfortably close
that I can smell his breath and taste his spit on my tongue?
Have I felt him sigh over me?
Have I heard him whisper those words up to the Father?
Or am I content just following a belief system?

This is my point kids.

Christianity is not about having a bunch of right answers to tough questions.
Not that its bad to search for them but, quite frankly,
there are some questions you’ll never have answers to anyway.
Christianity was never meant to be a belief system,
it’s meant to be an encounter with a person.
It always has been, and it always will be.

Jesus himself said, “You search the Scriptures because you think
that in them you have eternal life, and it is they that bear witness about me,
yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” -John 5:39,40

So which are you?
One who looks merely for the answers to your questions,
or are you one whose heart longs for the face of his beloved?

“and taking him aside from the crowd, privately….”

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toes and "times"

March 23, 2009

Hey friends,
I had the privilege of reading this post by a friend of mine.
She’s in Africa, doing some awesome medical work and had the following
experience in regards to a song called, “Times” on our album.
If you have a few minutes, give it a read.
I was totally blown away.
-Mike

When I walk onto the wards at two in the afternoon and am handed an
assignment sheet bearing only the names of Alfred and Emmanuel, it’s
safe to say that the shift is going to be quiet. Both have been here
forever, both get their vital signs taken once a day and neither really
has any medications or involved procedures to be done in the evenings.
With the exception of a surprise admission (which turned out to be four
for the price of one; family-style hospital trips are all the rage
here) the shift rolled along very much as I expected. I hung out with
my fellow nurse, Sarah. We made folders for photos. I chatted to the
other patients and wandered around with a sleeping baby on my back. It
was quiet.

After dinner, we had all had just about enough of the sleepy pace of
things. We were, in a word, bored, and the hours until ten o’clock
needed to be filled. Somehow.

It turns out that Austin, one of our longer-term patients, is a
musician. His first admission was to reduce the size of his massively
overgrown toes. Things were looking good, but going home in Liberia
means going back to dirt and damp, and dressings just don’t stay clean.
Austin’s foot got infected, and so this second admission was to
amputate one of the toes. I was working on A Ward the day they told him
his toe would have to be taken off, and he was devastated. Austin is a
young guy, and he was pretty convinced he’d never walk again. It was a
rough couple days after surgery for him, with pain and anxiety mixing
to create the most heartbreaking fear.

But Austin has his spirit back now. And last night, he sang and rapped
for me. He laughed his head off while I tried to sing one of his own
compositions along with him. Baby
Girl, you fine-o. Baby Girl, you fine-o. You walkin’ like a stranger,
you talkin’ like an angel, you look like made from cream-o. I say you
fine-o. Once we had gotten that song down pat, he asked me about
what kind of music I like. I searched through my files on the work
computer and came up with Audrey and Mike singing Hallelujah.
He asked me if I had any more songs by ‘that guy,’ and so
I ran down to my room to get my computer.

We ran through a couple Tenth Ave songs fairly quickly until landing on Times.
It stopped him cold. He sat up, leaned forward and listened intently.
“I want for you to give me the words to this one, please.”
Since I hear God speaking to me every time I hear that song, I was only
too happy to oblige. I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote furiously.

When I finished, I handed him the page, started the song again and went
to check on my patients. From the other side of the ward, I heard him
singing. “Your love is over, it’s underneath. It’s inside, it’s in between.
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.”

We played the song over and over until the battery died and my computer
shut off. At which point he brought the paper over to his friend a few
beds down, a kid who will find out today whether or not he has cancer.
Heads bent close, they studied the words. Another patient, Friend,
stopped by for a visit. “Come see this song, man! Austin called.
It’s a fine gospel song. Brother Mike sing about love.”
So Friend got to hear about this overwhelming love too.

I don’t know if Mike and the guys have any idea how powerful this song
really is. Borkai and Friend and Austin. Cancer and burn scars and
missing toes. In times of confusion and chaos and pain, God’s love over
and underneath it all.

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Mike

How does one love God?
Well, John says, "we love because He first loved us."
And if that's true, then my whole approach must change.
No longer am I condemning myself in the mirror,
saying, "come on Mike, get your act together."
No. Instead I simply incline my gaze to the cross.
If I'm not loving God, it's because I'm not believing I'm loved.
And how do I know that I am loved?
"This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life..."

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