Journal

I think we’re in Dallas.
Or at least, coming close to it.
Location is always difficult to decipher in the back of a rental car.
But alas, such is my life.
Sitting, waiting, wondering.
Moving.
Always moving.
Most of the time before I’m ready,
and before I’m even close to comfortable,
we’re in the car and moving again.
But then, that’s life isn’t it?

The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur.
Wait, no, that’s not quite right…..a lot of a blur.
Lots and lots of blur.
Life at 80mph, with a few stops in between.
California, Seattle, Minnesota, Detroit, Houston….
and that’s just the last five days.
Scary.
I wonder what life will be like when we can teleport?
Probably awful.
We humans are so afraid of committing to anything as it is,
so I’d imagine that teleportation will just be another way that people
can keep their options open.
“yeah, yeah, maybe I’ll be there. Just want to see about that party
in Australia. And of course Chad’s hanging out in New Delhi around nine,
but if nothing else is going on, I’m so there.”
That’s how it all goes down.
Starts with a break through in technology, and then
morphs into some new way to estrange ourselves from the ones we love.
Cell phones, internet, clocks.
Yeah clocks.
You know they were invented by monks to establish timed cycles of prayer?
I wonder if they would take it back had they known the ensuing chaos that
that one single invention would perpetuate?

Because, after all,
We like to keep our options open.
We like to be the king of our own little universe.
We like to be the master of our own fate.
We like to set our own pace.
We like to be god.

Maybe that’s why I’m liking this radio tour thing.
It feels like being a kid again.
Like a program for de-godding.
Needy, uninformed, dependent.
First Steve, then Tara, now Brian,
For the past three weeks, Jeff and I have had
the luxury of having someone else telling us
when and where we can exist.
Driving us, directing us, buying our meals…we are not the captain of our own ship.
And you know something?
I like it.
Just as the first tastes of independency in adolescence
were wonderfully exhilarating, so has been the return to neediness.

I’m sure there’s a great spiritual lesson to be found here,
but honestly, I’m too tired to think about that right now.
I’m much too fascinated with the restaurants at the highway exits
and the stars in the sky. Every couple minutes I light a match
from the pack I acquired from the Mexican place in Austin.
But let me just say that maybe the return to poverty is the whole
point. The entire aim of our human existence. Oh, to be humbled.

Oh….Almost Dallas.
That’s where we are. Almost Dallas.
Good thing too because I’m fading fast.
Going into that sort of phase out catatonic thing that my mom
does when she’s thinking about something else and all you want
her to do is tell you where the bowls are at…
The road looks the same.
White lines still coming at us like a stream of space invader bullets.
Jeff has begun scribbling away in his journal, Brian’s talking about the difficulties
of learning the trumpet while wearing braces, and Tara has just admitted
to cheating on her boyfriend at fifteen.
Jeff speaks up and confesses to being a victim of such behavior.
“It was only a kiss on the cheek!” Tara attempts to defend herself,
but now she’s lost him.
“Medieval Times!” Jeff bursts out in disbelief.
He’s beside himself.

Who even knows?
This is the rambling of the road.
So strange, so unpredictable,
so like life if you stop and think about it.
Kind of boring, kind of meaningless, kind of mysterious.
Kind of like the whole meaning of life.
To know my need.
A mile marker doesn’t go by without reminding me of that.
All these miles behind, and all the ones to come.
I’m reminded tonight
that there is not one inch that goes by that God does not bring to pass.
Man, when are we ever gonna get there?
MikeD

Alright friends,
We hate to say this, but we think we have to.
You’re in trouble mister.
You hear me?
Big big trouble, and something must be done.
Now, this really only applies to those of you in West Palm,
so the rest of you reading this…Stop reading,
Carry on as usual.

But West Palm,
we’re gonna need to have a little chat.
It has come to our attention,
that you’ve been a bad boy.
A very bad boy….or, er…girl.

You see,
we recommended to all of you via myspace and our website,
that it was now in your hands to call up your local radio station,
and request “Love is Here,” for your listening enjoyment.
However, it has come to our attention, that there is a particular radio station
in West Palm Beach that apparently had to shut down
their switchboard today due to the excess of call-in requests for the song.

Now,
in all actuality, this isn’t your fault at all.
It’s ours. Yes. Ours.
We told you to do it didn’t we?
Thing is, we just didn’t really expect so many of you to do it.
So…we’re sorry.
We’re really really sorry.
And though we are extremely grateful and humbled by your support,
unfortunately, we’re gonna have to ask you to stop.

Way-FM West Palm has asked us,
to ask you,
to “cease fire,”
....so to speak.

Now, the good news is, the station does in fact
have the single, and is considering it for air play.
The bad news is, you need to stop asking for it,
We know it’s a bit confusing, but you’re just gonna have
to trust us on this one.

So what you can still do,
if you still want to do something,
is to pray.
That’s right, pray.
A bit strange I know, but remember that Proverbs 16 says,
“The lost is cast into the lap, but every decision is from the Lord.”
Every decision.
Even radio decisions.

Now isn’t that good to know?
I hope it is. It is for us..
And after all, at the end of the day,
God doesn’t need our songs, our stations, or our requests.
“God is not served by men’s hands, as if He needed anything,
but gives to us life, breath, and all things.”
Praise God.

-MikeD

In reaction to a book I have just read, I would like to express the following:

I did not choose God.
I do not choose God.
In fact, I think it’s fair to say that,
I have never, ever,
not once in my whole entire puny existence,
chosen God.

But praise Jesus, he chose me.

“Lazarus, come forth.”
Jonah to the sea.
Saul struck blind.
Jacob renamed.

I am a product of the Lord’s great mercy.
and NOT the sum of my choices.
Do you hear me?
Do you understand what I am saying to you?
I do not choose God.
I did not choose God,
but He chose me and appointed me to go and bear
much fruit. Fruit that will last. Fruit that has nothing to do
with my faith, my willingness or my obedience.
Fruit that is born from the perfect life of Christ.
Fruit that was his to give in the first place.
He gets all the credit.
He gets all the praise.
“He is not served by men’s hands as if He needed anything,
but gives to us, life, breath, and all things.”
All things. Including the ability to believe.
Including the ability to see Jesus for who He really is.
God removes the scales, I walk toward beauty,
and that’s all there is to it.
And for his sake and mine, I’m glad.

I am glad that Jesus offends my pride.
I am glad that He has not left me to myself, that I am not the captain of my own fate.
I am glad that the Lord forces himself upon me, even when I “force” Him away.
I am glad that He is faithful, even when I am faithless.
I am glad that He has chosen me.
I am glad that I did nothing to deserve it.
I am glad that He has rescued.
I am grateful to be overrun.
I am honored to be nothing.
I am humbled to be saved.

I am undone.

Because honestly, Him and I both know;
Had He simply left me to my own choices,
to my own will, and to my own pitiful suicidal self,
I would never have walked out of the tomb.
I could never have walked out of the tomb.
I would have chosen the tomb.
“No one comes unless the Father draws Him.”
And if that makes me a robot, well then I’d rather
be a robot for one day in the courts of God,
than spend a thousand in a place of my own choosing.
After all, “no one seeks God, no one is righteous,
all have turned away,” and everyone chooses death.
“It therefore no longer depends on man’s will or effort,
but on God who shows mercy,”

I mean really, people, come on.
My track record confirms this.
Your track record confirms this.
Left to ourselves, we choose death.
And in spite of ourselves, He gives us life.
Oh praise God, He gives us life.
-MikeD

“I stand and rub my eyes and walk to you,
because I have no choice…”
-Derek Webb

“Apart from me you can do nothing.”
-Jesus

This is a song born out of frustration. Frustration from hearing the all too
common phrase, repeated all too often. It goes something like this, stop me if you’ve heard it:
“You know, I would know that God loves me, if He would only…..”
And therein lies the problem.
If He would only what?
What, pray tell, does God need to do to convince you of His love?
Does He need to give you the man of your dreams?
Land you the dream job you’ve always wanted?
Give you straight A’s?
I don’t know.
But I think it’s fair to say, we play a dangerous game
when we start demanding that God prove something that He’s already proven.
“God demonstrates his love in this; that while we were still sinners
Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Which means, if I am feeling unloved, if I am dissatisfied, then I must look to the cross.
“This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life….(I John 3:16)
No games, no gimmicks, no self-help steps to a better me, just Jesus. Just His blood.
The duty of the Christian is no longer to work in order to earn God’s merit,
Christ has already done that on our behalf,
rather, the new responsibility for those who are in Christ,
is to put all their effort, all their desire, and all of their work
into simply resting in what Jesus has done for us.
He demonstrates and proves his love one way; by suffering the wrath of God in our place.
Over and over. Day in, day out. One sacrifice for all eternity.
What other proof do we need?
What act of love could surpass that of the Son of God dying under the weight of our shame?
The love we’re looking for is here. It’s now. It’s at the cross.
“In this is love: not that we love God, but that He loved us and gave His Son
as a propitiation for our sins.” (I John 4:10)
As Brennan Manning would say, “we already have what we seek,”
and this, my friends, is what we will fight our whole lives to believe.

I took the stage at the Summit on Friday night
with a fist in my stomach. Fingers locked, a stone tightly held.
I don’t really know what came over me, but once I started,
it all sort of spilled out of my mouth all at once, and I couldn’t seem to stop.
“stop thinking about what you need to do for God,
and start thinking on what Christ has done for you.”
It sort of bubbled out like a river of frustration and hope,
wanting so desperately for people to be free from willing themselves to change.

“it no longer depends on man’s will or effort, but on God who shows mercy.”

The theme of the event was “Irresistible people.”
Indeed.
I admit, I want to be exactly that.
A part of a revolution, that loves God, that loves people.
So much so, the world will see us and come running.
However, what hope do we have to become an irresistible people?
One speaker implored with the crowd,
“we need to love people, we need to love God!”
I completely agree, but tell me, somebody please, tell me….HOW?

No one seeks God.
No one understands.
No one is righteous.
So how do you expect me to change myself
in order to obey the greatest commandments?

By will power?
By dedication?
By guilt tactics?

Hmmm, sounds like self-help to me.
Perfect instruments to build an empire of pride.
Love God. Love people. Do it.
You can’t do it, but do it.
And when you succeed, once you become a better you,
make sure you give yourself a big pat on the back,
a big smile in the mirror, and all the while, make sure you
look down on everyone who still struggles with your old temptations.

So the question remains.
How does one love God?
Well, John says, “we love because He first loved us.”
And if that’s true, then my whole approach must change.
No longer am I condemning myself in the mirror,
saying, “come on Mike, get your act together.”
No. Instead I simply incline my gaze to the cross.
If I’m not loving God, it’s because I’m not believing I’m loved.
And how do I know that I am loved?
“This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down his life…”

This is why I get frustrated.
We point out the problem, but fail to give the solution.
Like my pastor in Nashville says,
“don’t show me a church that loves God,
show me a church that believes they are loved,
and I will show you a church that God uses.”
I hope this is making sense.
“What is the work of God? to believe in the one he has sent.”
Oh that would be offensive enough to believe we are loved.
Go ahead, try it. But please, for the love of God, remember that
it’s only by his grace that you can.

“I worked harder among you than any of you, yet it was not I,
but the grace of God in me.”
-mike