Journal

My wife and I were recently visiting one of our favorite burrito establishments called Blue Coast Burrito.  Part of the experience of this eatery is their fruit tea.  It is certainly most delectable.  While munching on my chips and salsa my wife said to me: “when I get to heaven, this fruit tea will abound.” 

My immediate thought was…“will this fruit tea even exist there?”

So many times I picture heaven as a beachfront with dinosaurs grazing behind me.  I’m there consuming endless cups of Mountain Dew with no detrimental repercussions on my health.  I don’t have to sleep, and if I want, I can strap on my laser and tactical gear and play others in a real life simulated role-playing game. Of course, I can leap tall buildings in a single bound and steak is for dinner. 

Now- where I contrived this idea-I have no clue.  Maybe a vivid imagination, or maybe someone once told me it’s whatever I want it to be.

Is this a healthy view of heaven? I recently set out to find what exactly IS heaven.  I’ve made some pretty interesting conclusions. 

First off Revelation 21:1-4 tells us that every tear will be wiped away with no morning, no death, and no pain.  But only after it says that God will dwell among men. 

That’s cool.  God will dwell among men.  I take this literally.  It seems as though the pain will disappear as a direct result of God’s immediate presence. 
All throughout this book angels, men, and every creature is declaring his glory!
John gets a glimpse of heaven which is lavishly decorated and guess what, everyone up

there is singing Holy Holy Holy. 

Day and night.

They. 

Ne. 

Ver. 

Stop.

It appears very clear that heaven is the eternal worship of God. That’s it.  Is that what my heart wants?  Is that worth it to me?  Can I lay to rest all my desires for eternal Mt. Dew and dinosaurs? 

As I was digging into the mystery of heaven I realized that the end goal of a religion will determine the nature of the religion.

Take for example Islam-
The Qur’an 37:40-44 says: Save the servants of Allah, the purified ones.  For them is a known sustenance: Fruits. And they are honored, in Gardens of delight, on thrones, facing each other. 

What?
They are honored?  Facing each other? 
According to Muslim belief, everything one longs for in this world will be there in Paradise.  The houri (beautiful counterparts of like-age) are there on arranged couches to embrace you and make you feel good.  The highest level of Firdaus allows those who were righteous to dwell in its gardens for “their entertainment.” (18:107)
And God?  You’ll have enlightenment of his presence. 

In the book “Doctrine and Covenants” by Joseph Smith (not the ex-member of Tenth Avenue North) one can get a view of the Mormon afterlife in chapter 132. 
Those mormons who are sealed in the eternal marriage ceremony expect to become gods in the celestial kingdom, rule over other planets, and spawn new families throughout eternity.  That’s just before the instructions on polygamy.

Hindus and Buddhists believe in “samsara” or an eternity of reincarnation and enlightenment.  Wandering forever ridding oneself of pain and suffering.  Every bad thing and thought should be eliminated therefore resulting in bliss for eternity either on earth or in “Nirvana.”  No one is quite sure if that’s a place or a state of mind. 

Bliss.
Pleasure.
Mountain Dew.

Why do I want to go to heaven? 
If all my desires were fulfilled and all my friends are gathered around in community and food but God were not there…would I want to go? 
If he were there but only as a mediator of my pleasure…would I want to go?
Perhaps I would tell God to dim his light for the next 2 hours so I can watch Lord of the Rings in my La-Z-boy recliner. 

And how long would my joy last being limited by the things I desired on earth? 

I can only hope that the very face I seek would be the very thing I desire for all eternity. 

Psalm 37:4 “Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” 

Sounds like He will give you Himself if that is the delight of your heart

I was driving in my car a while back, windows down,
enjoying the breeze splashing on my face
when I heard a line something like this come through the stereo speakers,
“the choices that we make, make us who we are.”
And I started chuckling to myself, thinking,
“oh how the world has got it wrong. If only they knew the truth,”
But lo! When I looked down at the radio dial, I was faced with the
sad reality that I was in fact, listening to a local “Christian” station.
I didn’t really even know what to do.
Laugh? Cry? Get angry?

It was quite a conundrum.

And what made matters worse, is that when I started asking people
if they’d heard the song, and what they thought of it,
they would respond, “Oh yes!” Isn’t that beautiful?
And of course, my answer was far from harmonious.
“NO! No it is not beautiful!  It is completely undermining redemption!
It’s a direct assault on the gospel! No! No! No!”

And so I kept digging. I kept asking. I kept inquiring.

Come to find out, that song is not the beginning or the end of this ideology.
There is a myriad of songs, books, movies, sermons, and devotionals
all bearing the name “Christian” that are teaching this misleading ideal.
I just couldn’t believe it.
I mean, I know the church has her problems.
After all, she’s filled with sinners,
and so I’m never really that surprised by her infidelity,
but I couldn’t comprehend how so many people could be teaching this doctrine
from prominent places of power.
“Who I am is the sum of my choices?”
Are you kidding me??!! Come on people!!!
You can’t really believe that can you?
Your choices make you who you are? Really?
So you chose your hair color?
You chose your parents?
Your taste buds?
Your birthplace?
Natural talents?
I.Q?

I can’t think of a more arrogant statement than,
“I am the sum of my choices.”
Cause you know, the only people that are gonna say that are successful people.
You’re never gonna find somebody at a recovery program teaching this.
People who have seen the depths of their depravity know better.
And they know better than to forsake the grace of God.
But the rich and successful? Oh they can forget.
Because hey, if I’ve made great choices than that only helps my pride out,
and helps me look down on all the sinners that can’t get their act together like I did.
Pick yourself up. Do better for God!
Funny, because the message of the gospel is that God was better for you.
Funnier still, because you can’t even live for God until you learn how to live because of God.
If you think you can do anything without him you end up sounding quite self-righteous.
Like a pharisee.
Like the people that got Jesus fired up.

Now here’s the deal.
I get what people are trying to say.
I understand the intent.
They’re trying to help people understand that there are consequences to their choices.
And I’m not disagreeing with that.
Of course our choices have ramifications.
If I shoot somebody, I’m going to jail.
If I drink too much alcohol, I’ll get drunk.
If I believe the wrong doctrines, I turn into a pompous jerk.
Yes. Choices have repercussions, and they have a lot to do with where you end up.

But here’s the gospel: Where you end up is not who you are.

What you do is not who you are. If you are in Christ,
who you are is what has been done for you.
How else do you think God can call screw ups like us a “new creation?”
It’s because his choices for us make us who we are.
I am a child of God, and it’s not because I was good enough to be one,
it’s because He was good enough for me to be one.

Any Batman fans out there?
Do you remember the scene in Batman Begins when Batman is standing
by a window and Katie Holmes is looking at him and she asks him,
“Who are you?”
Do you remember what he says?
With that icy blue stare he looks at her, and in that absurd gravely voice he bellows,
“It’s not who I am, it’s what I do that defines me!”
So sad…and so wrong.
No Batman. 
To quote Jars of Clay’s Dan Haseltine,
“not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what to do.”
You’re not.
You are what has been done for you.
At least, if you are in Christ you are.
And what’s truly beautiful about this is that it levels the playing field.
The successful and the pure are humbled out of their pride, because they realize
that it is Christ who has made them right before God, not their choices.
And it strengthens the failures and the weak, because no matter how many bad choices
they’ve made, no matter how many times they go back to their vices, they can believe the gospel
and get back up. The promiscuous girl can say, “my identity is not where I’ve been.”
The addict can put down his needle and say, “druggie is not my name. 
I am a child of God who happens to relapse.”
In other words, we learn to live out of a new reality…out of our new name.
I don’t need to become holy. I need to act like who I am.
I need to be in practice who I already am in position.
I am a child of God in spite of myself.
I’m not struggling to be free, I am free to struggle.
Or to quote John Paul II,
“We are not made from the sum of our weakness…
we are the sum of the Father’s love for us.”

And so, having said all that,
I want to share the chorus and bridge of the song that I wrote in response.
It’s called “You are More,”
and I hope you like it.
But more than that, I pray you believe it.

“you are more than the choices that you’ve made
you are more than the sum of your past mistakes
you are more than the problems you create
you’ve been remade

cause this is not about what you’ve done
but what’s been done for you
this is not about where you’ve been
but where your brokenness brings you to
this is not about what you feel
but what He felt to forgive you
and what He felt to make you new.”

2 Corinthians 5:17-21
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation.
The old has passed away; behold, the new has come…
...For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin,
so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

As I sit here in my home with Louis Armstrong gently singing “Winter Wonderland” on the speakers, I feel the warmth of a space heater at my feet. A couple nights ago, the band had its first annual Christmas party. Later we’ll be mailing presents to our families and probably make hot cider. Christmas is a joyous season in the Owen household. We decorated our house a week before Thanksgiving and bought our tree the day after. Still my heart beats in nostalgia of a recent trip the band took to warmer, sunnier climates…

It’s been a week now since we’ve returned from the band’s excursion to Honduras. As we flew in, the landscape looked a lot like a flight into LAX over Riverside, CA. As the plane crept closer to the ground, we soon discovered many of the rooftops weren’t stucco on $450,000 homes, but corrugated metal sheets on crude concrete or wooden walls. We landed in San Pedro Sula and we met our team from Compassion International at the airport. We had begun our 4-day trip to learn how they work in other countries and how poverty effects the lives of the people in Honduras…

The streets were rough and water often overflowed onto them. In the poorest areas, trash abounded in the streets. Humorously in the same, roosters, dogs, and sometimes horses, roamed the streets! As we pulled up to our first Compassion project and opened the door, we could hear the little children get louder in excitement that our team of sponsors from America had arrived. The joy they had was incredible. Here they were in the midst of no running water, and no proper sanitation. They had no jungle gyms, and no Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls. They had joy. Our American minds had been blown. I quickly learned that the believers in Honduras pray that God will give them enough to survive. At home we so often pray that God will give us over abundance. In the middle of this slum there was hope. Compassion was working with the local church bringing children in to be loved, fed, and shown the truth of our Savior. These were children of gang members, or single mothers; and they’re left to fend for themselves. We learned of stories where kids from the Compassion project helped in leading their parents to the Lord because of what they learn at the project. We heard stories of Compassion kids growing up and going to college for a chance to follow their dreams. No longer are these children left with the only hope of working in a factory or being a mother at the age of 14, but rather a chance to dream and hope.

America’s current price tag for the drug war is $49,542,681,026 at the moment I’m writing this. Cartels continually smuggle illegal drugs and firearms into the US up and down Central America. There is an average of 10 deaths in San Pedro Sula a night as a result of gang violence. In the midst of such turbulence there’s a light. Children are coming to the Lord and communities are being changed. We heard a story of entire gang communities in El Salvador that have laid their weapons down because their children are playing and growing with children from other rival gang families. Ruben and I saw the result of a terminal child healed simply because a water purifier was installed in the home. To God be the glory. Christ is changing the hearts and minds of the people in San Pedro Sula. Not a government run mission to kick the poor out of the city. Not an international campaign to tell people not to do bad things. Children now have illumination to do more than they’ve been raised to know. “In Jesus’ name” is what this is about.

Ruben and I also got to meet our child that we each individually sponsor. Mirian and Nelson. When my wife and I picked up Mirian’s packet over a year ago she was a cute 4 year old with braids and a simple story. Now she’s a real human being that loves dolls, and is shy, and has a sister who she can’t leave her side! Nelson is a bubbling little mongrel that just loves to be hugged and runs and plays with a passion. What a joy it was to see that though their parents may have been given a difficult lot in life, these children have a new hope. I don’t feel like the fun pen-pal from the states, I feel like a part of the family now. It’s the closest to parenthood I’ve ever felt (though I’ll be an actual parent in only weeks). We played schoolyard games with our kids and many others while Mike, Brendon, and Jason played a game of soccer in a water-logged field with the older boys. I’ll remember that day always. 

Clockwise from top left: Jeff and the family of the girl, Mirian, he sponsors; Mike and little Karen; Jason with Compassion children in San Pedro Sula; Ruben and Nelson, the boy he sponsors. All photos taken by Jason. For more photos from the band’s trip, visit KeelyMarieScott.com

As I sit here writing this, I wonder what will become of me. Will I give everything I have away and commit to a life of poverty as well? Will I use every resource I have to help those in need and spread the reach of the Kingdom? Or will I, like Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, long to quietly sip my tea with a fireplace at my feet in my rocker completely detached from the world’s needs? All I know is that the trip had an impact on us all. The things that I do and the things that I don’t do will always have a reminder of life in San Pedro Sula. I pray that we never forget the poverty. I pray we never forget the hope and the joy we found there.

That is a fraction of a summary of our trip. It was truly an amazing 4 days. Lord let your light so shine in Honduras!

In closing, know that Tenth Avenue is taking much needed time off. Babies will be born this winter, songs will be written, and we will just plain recharge for 2011. 2011…man. Why are there no flying cars? Anyway, may Santa lick his chubby little fingers in thanksgiving for the cookies you left, and may your checking accounts leak into the cups of the thirsty. May your eyes open each morning with a wellspring for the joy of living, and may your families reunite in song and hymn by the fire. 

Thank you for the lovely 2010, everyone.
-Jeff and the Tenth Avenue North family

“it would be easier if you were just a thought in my head
simply something that I once read
a belief needing my defense
and it would be easier if you were something I once knew
a hope just to hold on to
but you’re holding out your hands

chorus:
cause you came to take us back to the start
you came to touch the hardness of our hearts
you gave us truth that truth is who you are
it’s who you are

and it’s not enough to just say, ‘I believe.’
Cause truth is that talk is cheap
so grace give me eyes to see

flesh and blood you offer us
oh to eat the bread and drink the cup
oh to taste to see to feel to touch
Emmanuel God with us
Emmanuel God with us”

Maybe this song won’t be a revolutionary thought for you, but it has been for me. Probably for the last two years or so, this is the thing I have felt that God has been teaching me. Or should I say, the thing that He has been beating me over the head with. Truth is a person.

“I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but by me.”
-Jesus

How did I miss that for so long? I don’t know. Maybe it was growing up in the church, maybe it was Christian school, maybe it was the fact that I have an enemy in myself and in the devil, but man! Why has it taken so long to sink in?

I remember going through this phase when I first entered college, when all that mattered were answers. I had to have the answer for everything. No matter what the question was, no matter what someone was going through, I had to have something to say. Some verse to reference, some bit of advice to give. And I really thought that I was pretty awesome. I mean, I was enlightening minds and helping people, I was really exceptional. Or so I thought.

Little did I know at the time, but most times when I was wheeling out advice and giving out answers, I was actually coming across as a royal jerk. People would come to me with some heavy news: a broken relationship, news of a death in their family, something like that. And what would I do? I’d just write up a little prescription for them by way of the Bible. “Don’t worry brother! God works all things together for good!

Not that the promises of God aren’t true all the time, they are. But the thing is, just because we have promises, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s answers. At least, not the way we’re looking for. And that’s why God tells me to feel it before I try to fix it. “Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice.” That’s what I’m called to do. Before I try to know everything and have a solution for everything and everyone, first I need to learn to sit down and weep with people. Before I try to put a band aid on their wounds, I need to actually feel the wound myself. I mean, isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He felt before He fixed. He hurt before He healed. He became flesh and dwelt among us.

And so, this changes things. This means that it doesn’t matter how much Scripture and philosophy I know, what matters is what I do with it. Ironically, having a lot of information about Jesus can often be the very thing that keeps us from Him. We delude ourselves into thinking that Jesus is nothing more than a fact on a page. An idea to comprehend, a moral to ascribe to. And believe me, He’s much more than that. He is our life, our breath, and the pulse within our veins. He is before, behind, and all around. Over. Underneath. Inside. In between.

And I want to know Him this way. As bread and wine. As flesh and blood. As a lover, a wife, as the life within. I’m tired of my knowledge turning to arrogance. I’m tired of information turning to superiority. I want to encounter Him, and have that encounter change the way I see the world. Don’t you?

So for now, I’ll leave us with Jesus’ own words in the book of John. May it sober our pursuits, and remind us that the one we are following is not some philosophical ideal to adhere to, He is a person to fall in love with.

More often than not in life I find the catchy phrase: “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” to be fallacious.  My wife and I recently explored a ride at a park (that will remain anonymous).  This ride was simply called Castle and just by the outside it was pretty revealing that it would be a big fat let down.  It was one of those haunted, sit in a cart on a track, bad spray paint and glow-in-the-dark color schemes that gave it away. When considering my pregnant wife, I asked the ride attendant if the ride was “jolty.”  He then replied “It will jolt your disappointment.”  Pondering this man’s hidden wisdom, we hopped on.  For some reason, there’s always hope that “maybe this ride will be different.”  Rarely is that true.

Regardless, we rode Castle.  It was awful.  Why were we not dissuaded by the presentation of the outside of this ride?  Why were we not scared off by the attendant’s dizzying maxim?  We were hopeful.  I suppose that’s the punch line.  Christian or non-Christian, most of us find ourselves hoping against the odds.  We’re hoping against the spelled-out-in-neon-spray paint words before us that this thing has a chance.  This is why we rent movies without knowing what it is and watch the whole thing before concluding that we wasted 2 hours of our life.  This is why we want the hero to boldly venture forth when the island is covered in mist and the odds are against him.  This is why we hang out with tax collectors and lepers.  This is why we hope to rise with Christ when the world tells us chance is at play.

Like I said at the beginning, more times than not the cover is most definitely a discription of the character of what’s inside the book.  By all means- use discernment before you rent that movie or walk into Castle.  But also, deny your fear and any plausible arguments that dissuade you from truth.