I think we’re in Dallas.
Or at least, coming close to it.
Location is always difficult to decipher in the back of a rental car.
But alas, such is my life.
Sitting, waiting, wondering.
Most of the time before I’m ready,
and before I’m even close to comfortable,
we’re in the car and moving again.
But then, that’s life isn’t it?
The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur.
Wait, no, that’s not quite right…..a lot of a blur.
Lots and lots of blur.
Life at 80mph, with a few stops in between.
California, Seattle, Minnesota, Detroit, Houston….
and that’s just the last five days.
I wonder what life will be like when we can teleport?
We humans are so afraid of committing to anything as it is,
so I’d imagine that teleportation will just be another way that people
can keep their options open.
“yeah, yeah, maybe I’ll be there. Just want to see about that party
in Australia. And of course Chad’s hanging out in New Delhi around nine,
but if nothing else is going on, I’m so there.”
That’s how it all goes down.
Starts with a break through in technology, and then
morphs into some new way to estrange ourselves from the ones we love.
Cell phones, internet, clocks.
You know they were invented by monks to establish timed cycles of prayer?
I wonder if they would take it back had they known the ensuing chaos that
that one single invention would perpetuate?
Because, after all,
We like to keep our options open.
We like to be the king of our own little universe.
We like to be the master of our own fate.
We like to set our own pace.
We like to be god.
Maybe that’s why I’m liking this radio tour thing.
It feels like being a kid again.
Like a program for de-godding.
Needy, uninformed, dependent.
First Steve, then Tara, now Brian,
For the past three weeks, Jeff and I have had
the luxury of having someone else telling us
when and where we can exist.
Driving us, directing us, buying our meals…we are not the captain of our own ship.
And you know something?
I like it.
Just as the first tastes of independency in adolescence
were wonderfully exhilarating, so has been the return to neediness.
I’m sure there’s a great spiritual lesson to be found here,
but honestly, I’m too tired to think about that right now.
I’m much too fascinated with the restaurants at the highway exits
and the stars in the sky. Every couple minutes I light a match
from the pack I acquired from the Mexican place in Austin.
But let me just say that maybe the return to poverty is the whole
point. The entire aim of our human existence. Oh, to be humbled.
That’s where we are. Almost Dallas.
Good thing too because I’m fading fast.
Going into that sort of phase out catatonic thing that my mom
does when she’s thinking about something else and all you want
her to do is tell you where the bowls are at…
The road looks the same.
White lines still coming at us like a stream of space invader bullets.
Jeff has begun scribbling away in his journal, Brian’s talking about the difficulties
of learning the trumpet while wearing braces, and Tara has just admitted
to cheating on her boyfriend at fifteen.
Jeff speaks up and confesses to being a victim of such behavior.
“It was only a kiss on the cheek!” Tara attempts to defend herself,
but now she’s lost him.
“Medieval Times!” Jeff bursts out in disbelief.
He’s beside himself.
Who even knows?
This is the rambling of the road.
So strange, so unpredictable,
so like life if you stop and think about it.
Kind of boring, kind of meaningless, kind of mysterious.
Kind of like the whole meaning of life.
To know my need.
A mile marker doesn’t go by without reminding me of that.
All these miles behind, and all the ones to come.
I’m reminded tonight
that there is not one inch that goes by that God does not bring to pass.
Man, when are we ever gonna get there?
I think we’re in Dallas.